


Little White Lies

by Semi_problematic



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 20:08:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13465629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: Somewhere in the beginning Philip liked Lukas. He really did. Lukas was tall and cute and rode a motorcycle. What more could Philip want? He was young, they were young, and Philip wasn't focused on anything deeper than kisses and touches. He ached for affection, it almost didn't matter who it came from.The kisses and touches Lukas gave him were almost enough. Nudging him out of the way and playfully shoving him. But Philip was greedy. He wanted as much of Lukas as he could get. So he tried to kiss him and for a few seconds Philip believed Lukas would kill him. But instead he kissed him.





	Little White Lies

Lukas was wonderful. He was funny. He was kind. He was loving. He was one of the smartest people Philip knew. And also the strongest. Lukas had walked through hell and back, taking everything that came at him. He was still going. Philip admired that. He had fallen apart so many times during the killings, but Lukas was always there. Even if it didn't feel like that.

The killings, more like the murders. One by one, innocent people began to die all around them, they even almost died. What started off as a secret kiss turned into something more. Kisses and touched began to be the least of their problems when Ryan came around. It was terrifying having him chase them. All they wanted to do was be young and dumb, but instead they were shoved together in this mess of blood and pain.

Somewhere in the beginning Philip liked Lukas. He really did. Lukas was tall and cute and rode a motorcycle. What more could Philip want? He was young, they were young, and Philip wasn't focused on anything deeper than kisses and touches. He ached for affection, it almost didn't matter who it came from.

The kisses and touches Lukas gave him were almost enough. Nudging him out of the way and playfully shoving him. But Philip was greedy. He wanted as much of Lukas as he could get. So he tried to kiss him and for a few seconds Philip believed Lukas would kill him. But instead he kissed him.

Their kisses were more than kisses, the same way their love was more than love. Lukas kissed the air from Philips lungs and touched him like he was glass. Philip loved it. He loved the gentle touches and the kisses that showered his torso. It was everything he wanted. It was all he wanted.

Lukas was a okay boy. He wasn't the nicest but he wasn't mean. He was just okay. Until he did something that made everything shift. Okay turned into some uncharted territory. Lukas saved his life. Without a second thought. Without hesitation. Lukas saved him. He was living and breathing because of Lukas. 

Philip wasn't sure how he felt about it, really. Maybe he did. He was annoyed. He didn't need saving. The tears on his face and his shaking hands may have said otherwise, but Philip wanted to be in control. He wasn't someone who needed to be saved. He was someone people needed to be saved from. If only Lukas knew that.

Another thing that annoyed Philip about Lukas saving him was that it was a big deal. It wasn't something a small thank you could fix. It wasn't something that could be evened out. He owed Lukas and always would. 

Lukas loved him. Lukas still loves him, actually. Philip had known since he turned in the gun. That was when he knew all the kisses and chasing were more than teenage want. It was serious, it was love, and it was another thing that tied Philip down to Lukas.

Philip was sure at some point he loved Lukas. Maybe in the beginning or middle, but not near the end. He loved Lukas' eyes and his lips. His sense of humor and his personality. There was nothing wrong with him. Philip despised it.

There was nothing to blame. No cheating. No attitude. No fighting. Lukas treated Philip like a prince without a second thought. Sometimes it felt as if Lukas was made only to love him because it was so perfect. Lukas was never mad. He was understanding and patient and he deserved so much more than what Philip could ever give him. 

Guilt kept him around. Guilt that he was the only one who understood Lukas. That he was there the night Lukas' entire world changed. That Lukas' world almost revolved around Philip and only Philip for months. Philip was a life altering thing for Lukas and well, Lukas was an invonvience to say the least.

Philip didn't love, nor did he want to. He wanted to kiss and touch and fuck. He didn't want to be tied down or invested. And Lukas loving him was ruining it all.

It was unfair, honestly. That Lukas was so blind to it. That he trusted and believed every lie Philip told. He was naive. It was sad to watch. The way his eyes lit up when Philip spoke and the way he smiled and just looked at him with nothing but love. Lukas gave him the world and all Philip gave him was meaningless touches and empty glances.

After the murders and the coming out, Philip felt trapped and he was. It had been a year and a half since the murder. A year since Philip had loved him, truly loved him. 

They were sitting in Lukas' living room with a dumb sitcom playing in the background. Fake laughter filled the room while Lukas watched him and Philip watched the T.V. Lukas was the first to speak, like always.

"Philip?" Lukas asked. He was glancing around, nervously. Philip wondered what it was like to care that much.

Philip forced a smile that made him feel sick. "Yeah?"

"Are you happy?" 

It was an innocent question but the answer was anything but. Philip felt his blood run cold. "What?" 

"I know what we have is messed up. With the murders and all." Lukas rubbed the back of his neck, digging his nails into the skin near his scalp. It was something he always did. "But I love you and I just.. I don't know. I'm happy that it brought us together."

The hope in his eyes made Philip feel lightheaded. He deserved better than this. "Yeah, Lukas, I'm happy."

"Really?" The excitement in his voice only added more pain to what was already complete torture. He was smiling wide and was looking at Philip like he hung the moon and stars in the sky. "You're really happy?" He didn't give Philip a chance to speak. Philip would be lying if he said he wasn't happy about it. "I mean.. its messy and weird but.. so are we, ya know? Its how we love."

Its how Lukas loved. "Yes." Philip was so good at lying that it scared him. He reached out and took Lukas' hand in his. Guilt replaced the chill in his veins when he watched Lukas relax. "I'm happy." 

For a moment, Philip wished that he could believe his own lies.


End file.
